ATTRACT YOUR PERFECT MATCH WITH AN AUTHENTIC DATING PROFILE

I'll be honest. I'm not a fan of online dating. But I have also seen great love stories happen among friends thanks to dating platforms like Tinder and Facebook Dating. After learning how to navigate dating apps, I realized that most of the people sharing profiles didn't give me the information I needed to decide if I wanted to date them or not. For that reason, I'm going to tell you what I would love to see in your dating profile.

The first thing I noticed was that I was forced to make immediate decisions. I couldn't scroll through the options. The apps I've used do not have an option for maybe. That bugs me because I feel like I have to reject a lot of profiles that I might be more open-minded about if I could narrow down some maybes.

The next thing I noticed was that I could easily make mistakes, accidentally rejecting and matching with people I didn't mean to swipe the wrong way on. I consider myself reasonably intelligent, yet the dating apps make me feel like a bumbling idiot. I don't find them intuitive and it makes me want to design my own dating app. But I already have a lot of my plate. (If you're an investor, contact me. ;))

Once I started receiving messages from guys, I noticed something that really bothers me as a sex worker. They "match" with me based on my photos without even reading my profile. When I see their profiles, it becomes obvious that we are opposite in philosophy and the only reason they would have reached out was because they hadn't made a thoughtful selection.

Clients do this too when they read my ad but don't go to my website, asking me questions via text instead that are answered extensively on my website. I avoid clients like this because it shows that they are not thoughtful when booking with an intimacy provider. I avoid dates like this for the same reason. Dating apps are huge time wasters and the last thing I need is more time wasted by people who aren't looking for someone who is compatible but will jump in anyone's dm's based on a photo.

There are other things I would change about dating apps. But there is no need to explain them all. The most important thing I noticed while scrolling through dating apps is that people are casting a wide net rather than showing who they really are. Now, I am going to tell you what I wish you would put in your dating profile.

Let's start with photos …

• Please have at least one CLEAR face photo for your profile. There are lots of people who are open-minded to meeting people who don't have conventional beauty. Don't hide your face because you think you're ugly. Hiding your face shows your insecurities and makes you way less attractive than your face could possibly do.

• Don't use photos with your ex-partner cut out. Similarly, I wouldn't use photos with anyone who people might assume you are or were dating. Take the time and effort to get a few photos of yourself taken by a friend or take a bunch of selfies until you find one you like.

• Although I am not personally put off by photos of your kids, I know women who have said they would not date a person who shows photos of their kids in their dating profile.

• By all means, show yourself with a big fish in your hands. I get it! You love fishing! So do a lot of other men. Be aware that a photo of a man holding a fish is one of the most common types of photos shared by men on dating apps. Does that bother you? No? Then post your fish photos.

• People holding drinks or looking wasted in their profiles are a huge turn off for me because of the many people with addictions I was raised around and who I dated in my past. If drinking is a big part of your life, please keep sharing those photos so people like me know to avoid you. This is a personal preference. It doesn't mean every person will avoid you. The drink in the hand will be perfectly fine for other people who like to drink a lot. But if drinking isn't a big part of your life, get rid of the drinking and drunk photos. Otherwise you might be alienating people like me.

• A picture of you with your pet(s) is great. It signals to other animal lovers that your pet is important to you. It lets people with animal allergies or intolerance for pets know that you would not be a good fit for them. Lots of people are turned on by animal lovers while others are put off by the idea of fleas, animal fur, and having to always accommodate a fur baby. If you have pets, you want the former type of person to date you.

• If you show photos of your expensive car and holidays around the world, expect people to be attracted to your success. It doesn't mean that they are 100% after your money but it's a possibility. Showing off your success is wonderful and I applaud it but I also think it can set you up for predators. Keep that in mind.

• Smile! I guess I shouldn't be coaching you in how to present yourself on an app. Maybe you're someone who never smiles. We wouldn't want you to misrepresent yourself in your photos by smiling. But if you are a happy person who smiles often, please smile in your photos. Smiling makes you look younger. Did you know that? It also makes you look more approachable and not too serious about life.

Now, I will talk about profile descriptions …

• While I do think it is important to mention the things you like to do, like camping, hiking, traveling, and fishing or the things you're passionate about like motorcycles, boats, cars, and music; what I am really looking for in a profile is "What is your character?" To show me what kind of person you are, please tell me what your values are. Do you value friendship and good communication? Are your children a top priority? Do you make time to volunteers somewhere? What kinds of causes do you believe in? Are you politically confrontational? Let potential partners know so they can choose you or avoid you depending on the character traits they are looking fore.

• Similarly, share your hard limits. If you are a health-freak and don't want to date a smoker, say so. If you hate camping, like me, you could include that. I've seen people say they don't want to date Only Fans models in their profiles and others who say they won't date "Trumpers." These are people's hard limits and I applaud them for sharing them. It avoids wasting time and putting energy into potential relationships that are likely doomed to fail.

• If you smoke cigarettes, I think you should mention that. I appreciate people who are honest and I think many others do too. For some people this will be a hard limit but for others, it won't matter. You want to find someone who accepts you the way you are.

• If you have a certain physical quality that you think will weed people out, like you are super tall or super short or have a permanent ostomy (like me), you may want to include that in your bio. Personally, I don't share that I have an ostomy in my profile because I don't really worry about it. However, I believe that if you worry about a particular trait turning people off, you should mention it in your description so that whomever you date already knows what to expect and you can feel less anxiety about meeting them.

• Use point form to include more information in less space. Many dating apps limit your description unless you pay. Use point form to share more information about yourself.

• Be specific rather than vague. If someone talks vaguely about things in their dating profile, they come across to me as either a bad communicator or someone who is hiding something. Be specific and express yourself clearly.

• Be honest! Share recent photos and don't lie about smoking or drinking. Don't misrepresent yourself, including your challenges and flaws. We all have them. No one is perfect. If someone is looking for perfect, they will be disappointed for the rest of their lives.

• On the question of religion, I've turned down profiles that list Catholicism, Christianity, and Atheism. I don't turn them down because I care about their religion. I turn them down because I think they might be intolerant of mine. If you are not intolerant to other people's religions, consider saying something to that effect, like: "I was raised Catholic but I won't try to convert you." Similarly, if you don't practice your religion, don't mention it or put "spiritual" instead to convey that you believe in God but are not "religious" about it. Conversely, if religion is very important to you, be sure to say that too.

To summarize, your dating profile is supposed to weed people out. The reason you may be having less success on dating apps is because you're casting too wide of a net. You don't want to be with someone who isn't compatible with you. So, why are you trying to appear desirable to the maximum number of people?

If your profile doesn't tell me about your character, I will swipe right past and I'm sure there are many others who feel the same. Stand out in your profile by being your authentic self without shame. It will attract your tribe and make people like me feel less frustrated scrolling through dating apps. Happy dating, Beautiful.

Love Annie xoxo

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