THE COURAGE TO BE HATED
Last week, one of my videos went viral. It was called “Don’t do this in a strip club.” You see, I’m attempting to post a short video every day on a few different platforms to see what happens. I’m talking about anything I can think of, including my years as a stripper. When my video starting getting hundreds and then thousands of views, I got excited.
Then, hate starting rolling in. Men and women alike, commented that I look too old to be a stripper and other insults. My feelings weren’t hurt. I know I don’t look like a stripper. Even if my face was unlined, I have an ostomy. I’m obviously not getting on a stage to strip any time soon. Well … never say never.
My feelings weren’t hurt but I was a little embarrassed. The mean comments brought attention to my flaws. My rational mind warred with my inner critic. My mind said, “They only see ugliness because there is ugliness in their hearts.” My inner critic said: “How dare you post such unflattering content.”
It wasn’t my first time dealing with haters. I learned as a young activist and I’ve taught this to my children, that when you put yourself out there, people will try to tear you down. It’s the nature of miserable humans. It’s never the people who are enjoying their lives and striving for their goals who send out hate. It’s the people who aren’t doing anything. Perhaps they gave up on their dreams. Now, they have time to sit around criticizing others.
I think a lot of people get scared off by haters. There are many monsters to face and conquer in life. Haters are only one of them. But for some people, they are a barrier to growth and happiness. Some of us allow haters to shame us into submission. It hurts to be publicly attacked. We begin to wonder if it’s worth it to put ourselves out there.
I am here to tell you that as long as we’re not hurting anyone, it IS worth it to put ourselves out there. The more haters the better and I’m going to tell you why. Whether they are strangers on the Internet or people in your life, don’t let anyone convince you to give up. Learn to see haters for what they truly represent.
I’ve let some monsters hold me back but fear of haters wasn’t one of them. For some reason, I’ve always had the courage to be hated. Over the years being a sex worker and activist, I began to recognize a pattern. The times when I got the most hate were the times when I was succeeding. The more haters I collected, the more successful I was at getting my message out. Miserable people hate it when others succeed. They also can’t handle change. If you’re a change-maker, like me, prepare to be hated. It’s nothing personal against you or me. It’s about their own shame and disappointment. They are sick at heart.
When people criticize you on social media, don’t let it take you down. Remember that haters aren’t going to build your business or pay your bills. Haters aren’t going to take care of your family or make the world a better place just by being in it. You and I are doing those things. We’re doing it for the people we love because that’s what we do.
I recommend handling Internet haters in one of three ways:
Respond with love. “Thank you for your feedback. Have a beautiful day!”
Let go with love. In other words: ban, block, delete, or ignore.
If you are getting tremendously attacked, ask some level-headed friends to defend you. Don’t get into an angry debate with a hater. It’s the biggest waste of energy and time possible. You can’t help or change a hater. Only they can do that for themselves.
Internet haters are like swatting a mosquito. But dealing with haters who are in your life is more difficult. I strongly encourage you to remove them from your life as much as you possibly can. Certainly, don’t live with them. Their energy has the power to drain you of your drive. Do what you need to do, no matter how hard it is, and get haters out of your life.
We have to rise above the hardships we’ve endured. We have to view challenges as necessary events in our lives, meant to show us how strong we really are. Every day is a new day to conquer and grow. We have fortunes to build and families to protect. We’ve got shit to do! We don’t have time to think about people who don’t matter.
I used to be the kind of person who was quick to react in anger when people attacked me. But I don’t waste my energy on them anymore. Some people use haters to spur them on. They use the mean comments and insults as fuel; motivation to prove haters wrong. If that works for you, use it. Personally, I don’t need to prove them wrong. I recognize haters for what they really are. They are a sign of my success. That’s why I say “the more haters the better.”
Getting a viral video last week brought mean people out of the woodwork. It also increased my Facebook page reach by over 2000%. I gained 51 new followers and engagement was up by 29%. As a result, I also sold more books than usual.
Next time you need courage to put yourself out there, remember this: Haters are sad people with sad lives. They are also a sign of your success.
Love Annie xoxo
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