HOW TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAY SEASON

This is my first Christmas without a partner in almost a decade. Two of my children have grown up and moved out. They’re coming over for a Christmas gathering, but it has been a very different holiday season for me this year. I’ll admit that a part of me is grieving the joyous Christmas’s that I’ll never have again in the same way with the same people.

Talking to friends and family, it seems that many of us are struggling this holiday season. Many of us are dealing with health issues, the loss of loved ones, loneliness, financial challenges, the impacts of addiction on us and our families, and more. This time of year puts into stark contrast the gap between what our lives are “supposed to look like” according to mass media and what our lives actually look like.

For me, personally, I am a single mom who made my gifts this year. I don’t drink alcohol anymore which used to be a big part of my life. I’m fortunate that I have a large, family gathering to attend on Christmas Day but because I struggle with crowd intolerance, I find these gatherings stressful. Each of us has our different struggles, challenges, fears, and resentments that seem to become exacerbated at this time of year.

But here’s the thing I must remind myself. With all of our differences, we are not actually that different from each other. Most people do not have ideal lives and those who do are simply on an upswing. Life is like that. It has its ups and downs. It constantly changes. Whether it is amazing or horrible, whatever we’re going through right now is temporary. There is no “supposed to be” when it comes to family, romance, or life. The only guarantee is that every single one of us is subject to the human condition.

Since we are all humans experiencing a variety of the possibilities of being human; that means we are exactly how we are “supposed to be” at this moment. Whatever we are going through, we are not special or unique in our experience. Grief, for instance, is a shared anguish that all humans face at one time in our lives or another. We have nothing to live up to. We are human and therefore, we all have the capacity to experience soul-crushing grief or transformative joy and everything in between.

If you, like me, are dealing with the loss of a loved one, Christmas is a painful reminder of the person you are missing. You may be feeling lost, scared, hopeless, even suicidal. The pain of losing a loved one is so deep. It cuts like a knife leaving a wound that never completely heals. You are not abnormal because you feel this way. You are exactly normal because how you feel is naturally how humans feel when we lose people we love deeply.

No matter what is hurting you right now, the trick is to remember, even in our darkest moments, the pain we feel is really just another form of love. It comes from the love we feel for the person we are missing, even and especially when the person we’re missing is ourselves. Realizing that our pain comes from love can help us surrender to sorrow in a way that eases us through this difficult season. We must be gentle with ourselves, like we would be for a friend or a child.

We are hardwired for connection, us humans. Therefore, it is imperative that we go out and find people to connect with. Connection is the way we heal. Although it is common for many us, including myself, to isolate when we are depressed. If we really want to heal, we have to connect to the energy of loving people and our higher power. Cultivate meaningful friendships because they are the balm of the scorched soul.

I also encourage you to CHOOSE TO HEAL whatever is hurting you. If your pain comes from self-destructive tendencies or trauma, your choice to heal could mean the difference between life and death, living or merely surviving, and making authentic connections or pushing every good person in your life away. Choose to heal if you want next holiday season to be easier and more joyful.

Listen to music. Music is therapy for the soul. I have two playlists for when I’m struggling. One is filled with upbeat music that energizes me and the other is Christian music that fills my soul with peace. I’m not a Christian but I love Christian music. Pick music that makes YOU feel empowered and loved.

And finally, notice what you’re thinking about. Your thoughts become your emotions. Your emotions become your reactions. Your reactions either nurture your connection with others or they push others away. Be aware of your thoughts and make an effort to police the ones that make you suffer. Tell those thoughts to take a hike and switch your mind to gratitude. A simple thank you to your higher power can fill you with comfort. Try it. Surrender to it.

I hope these suggestions give you the strength you need to get through the holidays. I use all of these strategies and tools to get through challenging times like right now. I know they can work for you too. I’m sending you love energy hugs through this blog post. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. You are more than enough. You are divinely human just the way you are. And I, for one, believe in you with all my heart.

Love Annie xoxo

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