WHY MORE WOMEN SHOULD HIRE INTIMACY PROVIDERS

I wanted to hire a sex worker but I was scared. I hadn't been touched tenderly in years. I imagined feeling a stranger's hands on my body and tasting his unfamiliar kiss. What if I wasn't attracted to him? I was still fragile from being in and out of the hospital for the past five years with complicated health issues. What if he wasn't gentle enough? I hustled hard at the strip club giving massages to make enough money to get by. What if seeing an intimacy provider was a waste of money? I had too many fears and too little experience. So, I decided not to hire an intimacy provider.

Five years later: I was providing sensual massages out of an apartment and I was curious about what it would be like to be on the client side of the transaction. I remembered my fears from years before. Now, my fears were different. I wasn't afraid to waste money, or that I was too fragile. I wasn't worried about my attraction to the provider. I'd learned from my work that an immediate attraction is not necessary to enjoy a fulfilling, intimate experience with someone. This time, my fears revolved around my partner. Would allowing each other to see intimacy providers change my partner's feelings towards me? Would it change my feelings towards my partner? We wouldn't know until we tried it.

When I showed up to my first appointment as a client, I was so nervous I almost canceled. I thought about the clients who had done that to me – cancelled last minute, at the moment I was expecting them to arrive. I could not be so rude. I had to go through with it. I hadn't expected to be so nervous. This was "the client experience," I reminded myself. Nervousness was part and parcel.

The provider was professional and good looking. We had an enjoyable hour together. My relationship with my partner didn't change. We were still in love. If anything, our foray into ethical non-monogamy heightened our arousal for one another. We were kinky like that. I hired another provider a few months later. This time, we had an energetic connection that made the experience more exciting than my first. I walked around for a month afterwards with a smile on my face. My partner and I had incredible lovemaking sessions during that time. I felt very grateful that I could have those experiences without jeopardizing my relationship.

The epiphany for me was that not only could my partner and I engage in sensual encounters with other people WITHOUT getting jealous. But we could come back together with more excitement and love for one another. Seeing intimacy providers ENHANCED our connection to each other. Our bond strengthened during this time and our communication with one another was the best it had ever been. I realized that as long as I had a strong, secure bond with my partner, I didn't feel threatened by our agreed-upon extracurricular activities. We didn't go behind each other's backs. Everything was talked about with sincerity and sensitivity for our partner's feelings. It was the healthiest I ever felt in a relationship.

Looking back at previous relationships, I recognized that I couldn't have had this with past partners. I'd never felt safe with them. Our communication hadn't been healthy and our bonds hadn't been strong enough. Attempting ethical non-monogamy with them would have destroyed our relationships. I have no doubt about that. What a gift this was to not only be able to talk about ethical non-monogamy but to have the closeness required in a relationship to experience it without causing harm to either of us.

Seeing an intimacy provider can be a positive, life-changing event. If you're touch starved, it can literally save your life. If you lack intimacy for any reason or have lost interest in it – seeing an intimacy provider can give you the connection you desire and the libido kickstart you've been missing. I sincerely believe that seeing an intimacy provider can save your marriage. For me, it seems natural that after being touched by the same person for years that we become less aroused by them. After all, we know all their moves. Their touch doesn't feel as titillating anymore. We may even begin to dread having the same old sex again. But it isn't just familiarity that makes us lose interest in our spouses sexually. Scientists theorize that we are biologically-motivated to seek novel partners in the interests of our primal instincts to reproduce.

Although most sources suggest that the "novel partner" instinct is stronger in men than in women; I would suggest that the difference is men are more likely to indulge their desire for novel partners, whereas women are more likely to stifle our desire (resulting in lower libidos). In other words, a lot of women don't use it, so they lose it. This is MY theory and I could be completely wrong. But I feel it explains why many women stop enjoying intimacy with their husbands as they get older.

For these reasons and more, I truly believe that seeing an intimacy provider is a healthy way to engage in self care and can even be used as a treatment for loss of sensual desire towards our partners. Certainly, it's not a good option for everyone. Many relationships would not survive a visit to an intimacy provider. But for some of us, single or married, it might be exactly what we need.

If you've thought about seeing an intimacy provider but your fears are holding you back, it is completely understandable. I will address some of your potential fears in this article. If nothing else, you will have a deeper understanding of why and how other people engage with intimacy specialists like myself.

Before hiring an intimacy provider, think about what kind of experience you are looking for. You can, literally, request whatever kind of experience you're looking for. If you want a massage, you can find that. If you want more sensual activities; you can find that. If you want some good conversation or to cuddle watching a movie – these are options available to you. Ask yourself questions like:

• Am I looking for a brief encounter or a luxury experience?

• Are there any specific desires I have?

• Do I like to go with the flow or do I have a specific plan for the session in mind?

• What are my boundaries?

Identifying your boundaries and sharing them with a potential provider will go a long way in making you feel safer and less nervous about your booking. Perhaps you don't want to be kissed or touched in certain areas. Perhaps you are only looking for conversation. Intimacy providers have heard it all. It is our job to respect your boundaries and give you the best possible experience we can give you. If we don't take that seriously, then we are not good intimacy providers.

Once you know what you're looking to get out of this experience, it's time to do your research. Finding a platform to search for the right provider might be difficult. Do a search for "personals" ads. If you are looking for a specific type of experience, such as a fetish provider or male provider – there are sites that cater specifically to those desires, as well. But most adult classifieds platforms list providers with a range of genders and specialties.

If you are worried about getting robbed or finding a provider who works in substandard conditions, or stumbling upon a sexually exploited youth, or if you are scared the provider will not look the same in-person as they did in the ad; there are ways to identify if a provider is legitimate or not by checking out what kind of Internet presence they have. Not all providers have an Internet presence. There are many reasons why they may not:

• They are new to the business

• They only work casually and have a square job they don’t want to jeopardize

• They don’t have consistent access to the Internet

• They’ve recently changed their names and all their social media to avoid a stalker

There could be countless other reasons. However, be cautious when purchasing services from providers who have only one or two ads. They could be perfectly safe, or they could be predators. However, if a provider is a well-established, professional who treats their services as a business, they will usually have an Internet presence. You can be reasonably sure that you will not be robbed or put into a dangerous situation. What to look for:

• Does their ad look professional? Is it well-worded, to-the-point, and answers the most important questions?

• Do they have a website? Read their rates and services to ensure they offer what you’re looking for.

• If there is a website, does it look like they have put some effort into the messaging and images?

• Do they have a social media presence? What kinds of things do they post? Do they seem caring and kind or nasty and vindictive?

• If they have a blog, check it out! You’ll find out what their interests are and gain an insight into who they are.

By doing a little bit of research, you can get a clearer picture of whether you're dealing with an established professional or not. If you're dealing with a professional, you can reasonably assume that submitting to whatever screening process they have will be safe for you. It makes no sense for a professional intimacy provider to out you.

Of course, there are providers who are mostly amazing but also may be a little unstable and this is a human problem that is present in every walk of life. If they have an Internet presence, you can usually get a sense of how stable they are mentally. A predator posing as a provider, on the other hand, is unlikely to post a website or other ways you can find them. A predator is more likely to have little, if any, Internet presence.

Other things to look for based on your earlier reflections about what you want from this experience:

• Do they offer what you’re looking for?

• Are they in your price range?

• Do they offer the length of appointment you’re looking for?

• How do they feel about the things you’d like to plan for the session?

Some of these answers can easily be found on their websites. But for some, you may have to contact the provider directly to find the answers. Do not feel bad about politely and respectfully specifying what you want. If a provider reacts in a negative manner to your honesty, then that provider is probably not a good fit for you. Try someone else. We’ve usually heard your request before, but if we haven't, that's totally fine. People are unique. Therefore, our preferences are often unique as well. A professional will not make you feel bad about your inquiry, as long as you are respectful and to the point. Try not to waste the provider's time if you are not serious about booking with them.

Be aware of requesting fetish or kink sessions with providers who don’t normally provide these services. First, it may not be their area of expertise. Second, there are fetish providers who cater specifically to kinky clients. So, you may be browsing the wrong section of the classifieds. This is definitely something to ask about in advance.

When you feel ready to reach out and book a session, follow the instructions given to you in the ad or on the website for how to communicate with the provider. They may ask for a face photo, or picture ID. They may ask for a deposit. If you have done your research and you feel confident that the provider is a professional that you can trust, you should have no problem following their instructions. If you don't feel comfortable with a provider's screening process, find another provider with a screening process that you do feel comfortable with.

To prepare for your session, clean yourself meticulously. If you are asked to shower when you arrive, oblige. The reason many providers demand a shower is because people often think they are much cleaner than they are. A shower can wash away the less enticing smells that naturally occur in our bodies. Use mouthwash, if it is provided. Hygiene is an important way to show an intimacy provider that you are respectful and caring.

During your session, be sure to let your provider know if something makes you uncomfortable. Your intimacy provider wants you to have the best time of your life. If you don't tell us when something feels bad, we won't know to stop. Similarly, let us know when something feels good. Think about how important feedback is for you when you give a massage. If the recipient doesn't make any sounds or give any kind of reaction to your ministrations, you don't know if they are enjoying it. Let your provider know when you are really enjoying something by making a sound of pleasure or by directly saying that you like it.

My final suggestion for seeing an intimacy provider is that if you really enjoy your experience with a particular provider, be sure to return to them. With the right provider, your bookings will become more and more enjoyable with each subsequent visit. This is because your walls will come down with each other making the experience more meaningful and the connection more profound.

I spent several years with my partner after our brief kinky time of exploring ethical non-monogamy in a way that worked for us. Although it wasn't a lasting and key component of our relationship, we knew it was always an option and didn't close the door on it. I’ve often thought that if more women splurged on intimacy providers, many marriages would be more fulfilling and happy. The benefits of seeing an intimacy provider are undeniable, in my experience. Here are a few of the benefits:

• Get your intimacy needs met.

• Heal touch-starvation.

• Feel desirable and interesting.

• Become rejuvenated.

• Bring desire back to your relationship.

• Re-ignite your libido.

• Experience real-life intimacy rather than replacing it with fantasy and masturbation.

Seeing an intimacy provider can transform your life for the better. It will put a pep in your step and a smile on your face. It gives you an escape from the pressures of life and something to look forward to when life gets stressful or monotonous. It's not for everyone, but if it is something you want to explore, you're not alone. They call it the oldest profession because intimacy has been in demand since humans came into existence.

Engaging in intimacy enables us to recharge and refuel our passions, not just sensually, but in other areas of our lives as well. As long as you are capable of viewing your experience as a self-care tactic and not something to be ashamed about, you have the potential to truly benefit from the expertise offered by intimacy providers. Who knows? You might even make a new friend.

Love Annie xoxo

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